I had a revelation yesterday while sitting in my car on a beautiful, brisk, sunny morning at the Institute of Living in Hartford. For too long I have lived trying to please people and keep everyone from being mad at me. I have often compromised my own morals in order not to upset friends or family or just folks in general. I found that people-pleasing left me feeling like crap, especially when I did something I knew was wrong in God's view. It's been hard for me to set boundaries with people. I often feel bad for upsetting anyone.
An event occurred yesterday that made me realize I am always going to do what Jesus would do, despite what people think. My therapist said "so you're going to be a rebel?" Yes, I am. Because I cannot care about worldly things and Godly things at the same time. It's one or the other. And I choose God. Society goes against many Godly morals and values but I find I feel better when I do the "right" thing verses what people think is right. God is transforming my heart into the image of His son. I am astonished at the changes in myself everyday and I feel really good about my decision to be a rebel.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Changing Direction
I have not posted a blog in a while. I am not even sure if the things I write would qualify as a "blog." Perhaps this is more of an online journal. My mind is unbalanced as of late. Today I am going to look into an intensive outpatient program through a local hospital. I feel overwhelmed with life and completely unable to cope.
In August of 2010 I came to believe in God, the almighty creator of the universe. In September I began to attend a non-denominational Christian church. I began to really learn about the bible and Jesus. I love everything I have learned about Jesus and I want to devote my life to living as He instructed. I am also interested in Buddha. I have really been struggling with religion and people. I think a lot of Christians misinterpret the bible and their misinterpretations leave me feeling like I would rather get to know God on my own. Many Christians seem so judgmental and unloving and freely express their opinions on who is going to eternal hell and who is going to heaven. I think so many have misunderstood the bible and Jesus and I want to research this further. In the meantime, I am going to continue to pray for God to soften my heart towards people that annoy me. I don't want people to keep me from learning about the bible by attending church. Clearly I need to pray more...
I am also thinking about the people of Japan who have suffered terrible loss after the earthquake and tsunami. My thoughts are with them.
In August of 2010 I came to believe in God, the almighty creator of the universe. In September I began to attend a non-denominational Christian church. I began to really learn about the bible and Jesus. I love everything I have learned about Jesus and I want to devote my life to living as He instructed. I am also interested in Buddha. I have really been struggling with religion and people. I think a lot of Christians misinterpret the bible and their misinterpretations leave me feeling like I would rather get to know God on my own. Many Christians seem so judgmental and unloving and freely express their opinions on who is going to eternal hell and who is going to heaven. I think so many have misunderstood the bible and Jesus and I want to research this further. In the meantime, I am going to continue to pray for God to soften my heart towards people that annoy me. I don't want people to keep me from learning about the bible by attending church. Clearly I need to pray more...
I am also thinking about the people of Japan who have suffered terrible loss after the earthquake and tsunami. My thoughts are with them.
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