Today I decided to change the name of this blog from 'Lessons for Shianne' to 'Dear Shianne.' I decided that I would try to write everyday and that the entries would be more focused on me writing to you rather than me writing for you.
Today I had a therapy session that was difficult for me. I always want to do what is best for you, and often I fall short. Gramma told me that you mentioned that you felt you had no daddy, and that broke my heart. Grandma even cried, and I haven't seen her cry often in my life.
I want you to know that Papa loves you very much, and I can imagine it's hard being a step-dad. He wants to raise you with good morals and values and since you two are very alike, it seems you argue a lot lately. But I think I understand what you meant when you told Grandma that, and I just felt very sad for you. Every little girl wants to be the apple of her daddy's eye, and wants to feel like daddy's special girl. Trust me, you are very special to your father and to papa. I know they may have fallen short in areas, but it's because we're all just human. I am sure I have fallen short as your mother.
Lately I really beat myself up when I fall a few steps back, and I get real down on myself. I have very high expectations as your mother. You are a special gift from God. I love you so very much, Shianne. I look forward to spending time with you tomorrow, after you clean your room. Thank you for doing your chores today, and for being patient with me in NYC yesterday. :-)
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